Neither here or there...

I had/am having a bit of a crisis as 'he who shall be obeyed' mailed out a reminder notice for the FF10 Fringe.

I guess my main concerns relate to expense - the PCP show has seriously drained the coffers - and the idea that I am perhaps not letting the work ripen by rushing it.

There is the dangerous and anxiety-inducing cycle of producing work for an outcome rather than just making work. I, as others I imagine, find myself constantly thinking I 'should' do this, I 'should' do that and if I don't there is the thought of 'what opportunities will pass me by?'

This fear is 'exploited' by the plethora of awards/reviews in circulation. In recent times I sent stuff off to Critical Mass, Jörg Colberg, the William and Winifred Bowness Photography Prize, Hijacked and a few other things. Whilst I don't hold much hope for anything, at the same time hope does niggle.

Whilst I'm 'pleased' to be in the Fremantle Print Award, I will almost certainly do the 'self doubt shuffle' if other stuff doesn't manifest.

I have every intention to volunteer for the festival and try and get as involved as possible this time. I think it has genuine value and the last two rounds have proved revelatory on a lot of levels.

One thing I did notice during 2008 was the glazed eyes and pained gait of people who were doing the rounds. Whilst I was cautious with the selection of what I saw, I still got through at least 20 shows, some on multiple occasions. It is hard to maintain focus and intensity and I found personally after seeing Jodi Bieber's work that almost everything left me cold.

It's a bit of a pretentious comparison but I often find viewing is a bit like tasting wine... you need to progress from the mild, subtle 'fruity' stuff through to the big, robust reds. If you start at the wrong end then the 'fruity' just tastes like ill-conceived cordial.

Looking is a bit more complex in that seemingly passive shows can punch well above their weight and overwhelm poorly done journalistic work. Just as work based in spectacle can collapse, the ethereal might soar.

Few more days of twitching then there's no going back!

Heritage posts: FotoFreo 2008, Jodi Bieber 'review'.