Australia to introduce world-first 'Artist Certification System' from 2013

 

"Australian Federal Minister for the Arts, Simon Crean, announced today that an Artist Certification System would be put in place in 2013. This five-tier, peer-reviewed system should allow the various levels of Government to more effectively and efficiently allocate funds to those sectors that required it most urgently.

'The Artist Certification System will remove a lot of ambiguity and duplication from the current systems as well as protect consumers from shoddy operators', he said in a Press Conference held in Canberra this morning.

Two key pieces of the new system are the linking of the various levels of artist certification to welfare payments as well as the requirement for any artists visiting Australia on temporary Visas to complete an application process prior to commencing any form of work.

'The system is very simple to follow, inexpensive to implement and will encourage further development of Australia's creative communities', Mr Crean said.

The Artist Certification System will cover many different creative forms and includes such professions as visual artists, musicians (including buskers), actors and even circus performers.

Each level has particular criteria attached to it and has variations to accommodate minority-group artists as well as those termed 'self-taught'. The certifications would be reviewed every three years by peer-driven committees and the fees associated will be kept to a minimum.

Shadow Minister for Arts, George Brandis sees the system as being potentially full of loopholes. 'You can bet money on every man and his dog rorting this system to within an inch of it's life! It's pink batts, solar panels and the BER all rolled into one!', he commented today from Sydney.

New South Wales Minister for the Arts, George Souris, is concerned that the centralisation of funding will mean that community-based projects such as public art will suffer. 'We strongly believe that such funding arrangements will destroy our current audience-focussed system. Paying an artist to simply sit in his or her studio and make things doesn't enrich the community in any way or form.'

The system will commence July 1, 2013 and is expected to cost $15 million over 5 years to implement."

FOOTNOTE: This is not a real story. It has been produced to illustrate how easy it might be to make a simple, efficient system to support the arts in Australia.

Opportunity for Cafes/Restaurants

In keeping with the socially sustainable principles of artworks, artists want to showcase local food producers and explore how they can support cafes/restaurants. Rather than use cheap, nasty fast food to feed creative people, the artists believe this would be a great opportunity for local producers, cafes and restaurants to specifically feed and sustain artists and gain exposure to a broad range of people who may not necessarily purchase their products or visit high-end cafes and restaurants.

Each selected producer, cafe or restaurant would - provided sufficient notice is given - be able to visit the artist with potential clients up to four times a year for up to two years. Further to this, displayed next to each meal would be contact details of the producer, cafe or restaurant, so if any visitors were interested in eating a similar meal, or seeing more of their food, they could contact the producer, cafe or restaurant directly. No commission would be charged by the artist on any sales generated and no fee would be charged for this unique opportunity.

Opportunity for Construction Company

In keeping with the socially sustainable principles of artworks, artists want to showcase local architects and explore how they can support local builders. Rather than use cheap off-the-plan buildings to house creative people, the artists believe this would be a great opportunity for the local construction industry to specifically design and build homes around the artists and gain exposure to a broad range of people who may not necessarily visit architecturally-designed homes.

Each selected company would - from the date of completion and provided sufficient notice is given - be able to visit the artist with potential clients up to four times a year for up to two years. Further to this, displayed next to each building would be contact details of the company, so if any visitors were interested in commissioning a building, or seeing more of their work, they could contact the company directly. No commission would be charged by the artist on any sales generated and no fee would be charged for this unique opportunity.

Tony Abbott pledges to stop the planes

Federal Opposition Leader Tony Abbott announced today that a coalition government pledges to stop the planes, particular those originating from Heathrow.

"At any given moment there are close to 50,000 illegal overstayers in Australia and it has to stop!", he said to Tony Jones on ABC's Late Line last night. "[Minister for Immigration] Chris Evans freely states that the majority are young Englishmen simply having too good a time.... If he was fair dinkum he'd stop the planes!"

In fact the largest number of overstayers come from the US, followed by China and then the UK.

If overstayers are caught, they are no longer detained but issued with another temporary visa, and according to some reports from within the Department of Immigration they are allowed up to six more months to make their way home.

Green's senator Sarah Hanson-Young added that 'it is easier to demonstrate and peddle fear and hysteria through pictures of people on boats, than it is through people coming off planes at Sydney international airport.'

The Greens have since taken the unusual step of supporting the Liberal proposal.

Minister Evans, himself an English migrant, responded that 'they're often young Englishmen who have gone to a party and are a few days late .... Or they've met a young lady and [they're] having a good time.'

A spokesmen for the UK Prime Minister David Cameron commented that it was an English rite of passage to visit the colonies and that the Australian opposition leader should learn his place.

He also stated that the United Kindgom's immigration department had no plans to screen out potential overstayers.

Prime Minister Julia Gilliard was noticably absent from the debate and has been accused by Mr Abbott of a bias due to her Welsh heritage.